just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
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"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
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I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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