He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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