Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Is Oprah even human
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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