I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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