I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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