I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
