why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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