omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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