I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
