I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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