Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
