He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
