we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I think my vagina is haunted
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
