who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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