Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
