maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
