Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
