It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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