I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
