Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
