so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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