I think im going to throw up on grandma
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
