I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize