Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
