found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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