It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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