shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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