fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
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