the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
