I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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