My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
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Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
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Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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