i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
