I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
