Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
