Me too!
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I have tasted many bathrooms
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
