Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
