weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
