I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
