Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
