I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
