I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
