Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I am never drinking with the goths again.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
