i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
