He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
