Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
