I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
