I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
