where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i think i have two assholes
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize