He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Don't tell me you're on acid again
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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