I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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