i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Dignity is for republicans.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
