I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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