hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
