I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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