Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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