Small penises have feelings too.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
