My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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