There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
