i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
