She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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