On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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