why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
