OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize