I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
