At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
