the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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