things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
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I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
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Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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