i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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