youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
