You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
