I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
