That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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