Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
