I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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