I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
