She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
