Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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