just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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