pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
it was like eating out sand paper
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
