No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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