marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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