My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
